Dr. Beth Kaplan is a belonging researcher and advocate. She has spent her career studying how people construct their sense of belonging. With over two decades of experience as an executive and having conducted research into workplace trauma, she is a sought-after consultant for Fortune 500 companies, non-profits, government, and educational institutions that seek to improve their retention and culture.
What’s the big idea?
Braving the workplace means showing up as yourself—every single day—in a world that constantly tells you to be someone different. Too many of us feel unseen, undervalued, and unhappy at work. It’s time to stop shrinking and molding to keep your seat at the table. Managers need to create environments where employees thrive because they feel that they are enough, exactly as they are.
Below, Beth shares five key insights from her new book, Braving the Workplace: Belonging at the Breaking Point. Listen to the audio version—read by Beth herself—in the Next Big Idea App.
1. The opposite of belonging is fitting in.
Belonging is the innate desire to be part of something larger than ourselves without sacrificing who we are. It’s not just about being included; it’s about knowing you can show up as yourself without fear of rejection or exclusion. Belonging is something individuals determine for themselves. It can’t be imposed from the outside. It must be felt, experienced, and owned internally. Only you can decide if you belong.
For years, we’ve been conditioned to believe that fitting in is the same as belonging. But fitting in is the opposite of belonging because if all you’re doing is adapting, molding, and minimizing yourself to be accepted, you are sacrificing your core self.
True belonging requires no self-sacrifice. It doesn’t demand that you compromise who you are to stay employed, be liked, or get ahead. Instead, it means showing up as yourself, fully and authentically, and knowing that you are valued—not in spite of who you are, but because of it.
The problem? Most workplaces reward fitting in more than they foster belonging. They encourage employees to blend in, conform, and “play the game” rather than create environments where people feel safe enough to be real. But if you must change yourself to belong, you don’t belong.
When organizations use harmful phrases like, “We’re a family,” even when well-intended, they create unrealistic expectations for emotional loyalty and sacrifice. Families are built on unconditional love, but workplaces operate on performance, roles, and shifting priorities. Fitting into a family is natural—you’re born or welcomed into it. But fitting in at work? That often means conforming, suppressing parts of yourself, or overextending just to feel secure. Work is not family—it’s a professional environment where people collaborate to achieve shared goals. Blurring these lines erodes boundaries, makes it harder for employees to advocate for themselves, and pressures them to prove their worth through overwork and self-sacrifice.
Real belonging isn’t earned through self-sacrifice; it’s built through trust, respect, and the freedom to show up fully. When workplaces prioritize fitting in over true belonging, they create environments where people feel like they have to perform instead of participate and conform instead of contribute. Real belonging doesn’t ask you to shrink.
2. The most common workplace trauma is belonging uncertainty.
Let’s talk about something happening in every office, Slack channel, and Zoom call: belonging uncertainty. Belonging uncertainty is that nagging voice in your head asking, “Do I really belong here? Do they see me? Do they even want me here?” It’s when your ideas get dismissed in meetings, when you’re passed over for projects without explanation, when your workplace says they care about diversity, but no one in leadership looks like you.
“People don’t innovate in rooms where they feel invisible and uncertain.”
This low-grade, everyday questioning of your worth is workplace trauma. And it has real consequences. Employees who feel uncertain about their belonging don’t just wonder about it—they feel it in their bodies. It leads to self-silencing, disengagement, burnout, anxiety, depression, and even an increased risk of heart disease. When we experience belonging uncertainty, our bodies react as if we are under threat. Cortisol levels spike, heart rates increase, and our nervous system shifts into fight, flight, or freeze mode. This isn’t just an emotional response—it’s a physiological one. Our brains perceive exclusion the same way they perceive physical pain, activating the same neural pathways. Over time, this stress response can lead to long-term health consequences. When belonging feels fragile, our bodies stay on high alert, making it harder to focus, collaborate, and bring our best selves to work. Belonging is a biological need.
People don’t innovate in rooms where they feel invisible and uncertain. They don’t take risks when failure feels like proof they don’t belong. They shrink. They check out. And eventually, they walk away. If companies want to retain their best people, they need to stop assuming everyone feels like they belong and start earning that trust every day, clearing up and mitigating the risks of belonging uncertainty before it has a chance to take over.
3. More than anything, employees want managers to care.
Employees don’t leave companies. They leave managers who don’t care. In fact, a manager is the number one influence on an employee’s sense of belonging. Research shows that a person’s manager has more impact on their mental health than their therapist, doctor, or even their spouse.
When a manager creates psychological safety, recognizes contributions, and treats employees with dignity, people feel seen and valued. But when a manager ignores them, criticizes without support, or withholds opportunities, it erodes belonging at the deepest level.
Care is kindness, but it’s also candor. Care is support, but it’s also accountability. Care is saying an employee’s name in a room full of decision-makers when they’re not there to advocate for themselves. Care isn’t just about being nice. Great leaders know that care isn’t just about checking in—it’s about showing up in ways that actually make a difference.
4. How can leaders create environments of care in the workplace?
Expand the notion of Care as Kindness: Create a safe space where people feel seen, valued, and respected. It’s taking the time to ask, “How are you really doing?” and actually listening to the answer. Check in beyond the deadlines and deliverables.
Another way to expand care is to look at Care as Candor—telling people the truth—because you want them to succeed. Dodging tough conversations isn’t kindness; it’s avoidance. If you’re not coaching your people with honest, constructive feedback, you’re not leading them. Giving honest feedback helps people grow.
“If you’re not coaching your people with honest, constructive feedback, you’re not leading them.”
Finally, managers can execute Care as Advocacy. This is where the rubber meets the road. Care is mentorship, sponsorship, and ensuring your people get the visibility they deserve. If your employees are only being noticed when they fight for themselves, you’re not leading—you’re making them do all the work.
If you’re a leader, ask yourself: When was the last time you made someone on your team feel seen? Supported? Invested in? If you don’t know the answer, it’s time to rethink how you lead.
5. Belonging is personal.
When companies try to force belonging, it makes employees feel like they’re the problem if they are not feeling it. Instead of creating real connection, it pressures employees to fake it.
Belonging is deeply personal. It’s not a policy, slogan, or mandatory team bonding exercise. It’s something that happens when employees feel cared for, seen, heard, and valued. It’s built through trust, psychological safety, and real relationships—not performative culture-building.
A company says, “You belong here!” It’s in onboarding speeches, town halls, and posters on the walls. The message is clear: belonging is non-negotiable here. But belonging can’t be imposed. It’s not something a company can announce into existence or demand employees accept. It’s something we feel—not something we’re told.
If companies want to stop imposing belonging and start earning it, they need to:
- Create psychological safety. Make it okay to say, “I’m not feeling a sense of belonging right now.”
- Ditch the blanket statements. Instead of saying, “You all belong here,” ask, “What does belonging look like for you?”
- Train managers to be belonging leaders. They have the greatest impact—they must learn to recognize when employees feel unseen or disengaged.
- Understand the belonging spectrum. Not everyone seeks deep personal meaning at work. Allow for different levels of connection without penalizing employees who need less.
It’s time to build workplaces where belonging isn’t conditional nor imposed—it’s real, earned, and deeply felt. When employees are forced to perform belonging rather than experience it, they smile, nod, and show up to team events, but inside, they’re thinking, I don’t belong, but I can’t say that out loud. This creates workplace Duck Syndrome: on the surface, employees appear calm, engaged, and aligned, but underneath, they’re frantically paddling just to keep up the illusion. Faking belonging is exhausting. It leads to burnout, disengagement, and resentment.
When belonging is real, people thrive. When it’s imposed, people check out. It’s time we do better.
To listen to the audio version read by author Beth Kaplan, download the Next Big Idea App today:
